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Shadow Work: Moving Beyond the Myths and Embracing Your Whole Self

When most people hear the term "shadow work," they might conjure images of something dark, occult, or even frightening. But as Michele Lefler, self-described "personal librarian" and practitioner of what she calls "spicy psychology," explains in this illuminating conversation, shadow work is far from the scary practice many imagine it to be.

Shadow work, at its core, is about reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that society has conditioned us to hide or suppress. As Michele points out, from early childhood, we're taught to exhibit certain traits while suppressing others. Little girls, for example, are conditioned to be "sweet," "kind," and "demure." When they express emotions like anger or assertiveness (often mislabeled as "bossiness"), they're frequently discouraged from these perfectly natural human reactions. Over time, these suppressed aspects of ourselves don't disappear—they simply get pushed into our shadow.

This process of denial creates a fundamental disconnect within us. When we try to divorce ourselves from aspects of our personality that are normal human reactions, it causes what Michele describes as "cracks in who we are." These fissures can manifest as anxiety, depression, and various forms of psychological distress. The shadow parts of ourselves don't vanish just because we pretend they aren't there—they continue to influence our behavior, often in ways we don't recognize.

One fascinating aspect of shadow work Michele discusses is how our reactions to others can be windows into our own shadow. When something about another person particularly irritates or "needles" us, it's often because they're mirroring something within ourselves that we haven't acknowledged. This is why journaling about our strong reactions to others can be a powerful entry point into shadow work. By exploring what triggers us in others, we begin to illuminate the hidden aspects of our own psyche.

Michele emphasizes that shadow work doesn't need to be complicated or intimidating. Simple practices like journaling, talking into a voice recorder, or pulling oracle cards can help us begin this journey of self-discovery. The goal isn't to eliminate the shadow—it's to integrate it into our conscious awareness. As Michele beautifully puts it, "You can't have all light, you can't have all dark. You need to be a panda."

Some people fear that engaging in shadow work might open up painful memories or emotions they're not prepared to handle. Michele acknowledges this possibility but points out that avoiding these aspects of ourselves doesn't make them go away—it simply allows them to continue causing harm beneath the surface. By bringing these elements into the light, we can actually process them and move forward. It's similar to grief: if you don't deal with it, it doesn't disappear; it just becomes more difficult to handle later.

Michele also draws fascinating connections between shadow work and shamanic practices like soul retrieval. She explains that shamanic healing is essentially "energy healing on steroids," rooted in earth-centered traditions that help us transcend the "monkey mind" of our modern, technology-saturated society. By reconnecting with nature and grounding ourselves in the physical world, we can become more attuned to our own bodies and minds.

Throughout the conversation, Michele offers a refreshing perspective on positivity as well. She cautions against "toxic positivity"—the pressure to be positive all the time, even in the face of genuine hardship. As she wisely notes, "Sometimes life just sucks," and acknowledging that fact isn't negative or unhealthy. It's actually an important part of processing our experiences authentically before moving forward.

The journey of shadow work is ultimately about wholeness and authenticity. As Michele says in her parting words, "Be who you are, no matter who that is. Live your life gloriously and happily and loudly, despite what anybody else says, and don't let somebody else's version of who you need to be affect who you really are." By embracing all aspects of ourselves—light and shadow, joy and pain—we can live more integrated, authentic lives.